Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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