is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
