I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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