Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
