I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
