Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
