the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
