My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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