A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
