true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
