We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
