Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
