I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
