Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
