I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
