Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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