I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
