your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
