I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
either way he was missing a nipple.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
