i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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