He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
