So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
