Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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