Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
