we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
