the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
