I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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