It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
