please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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