i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
