If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
