At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
