Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
