I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
