11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
your parents love me but you hate me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
