I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
