You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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