i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
