you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
