I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Drunk is not a location!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
