Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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