i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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