either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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