Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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