I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
