I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize