Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we made out on top of his cat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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