All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
