Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
