I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
