So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
